Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
