Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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