If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
