The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
