It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The chlamydia really affected his face.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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