Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
