You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
