today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
