left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
