Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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