i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
