Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
