I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
