u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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