If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
