Pants 0. Shit 1.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
