thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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