For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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