Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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