that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
