just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
