My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
