i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
