there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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