i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
