I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
