How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
