Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
