i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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