well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it's like heaven, but drunker
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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