and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
