I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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