she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
