I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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