it hurts more in the daytime
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need moral support for this bender
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
