I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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