please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize