just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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