Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
