the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
