i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
