what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
