So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
