Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
