Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
