So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
