He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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