checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
