you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
