I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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