Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
