they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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