I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
