According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
