So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
