I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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