I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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