My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
