You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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