k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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