if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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