Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
