the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
