I want you more than these girls want KFC
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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