Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
