"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
