The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
