At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
