Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
