Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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