____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
