i just google imaged poop.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
