Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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